And I'm Back...

I’m back!

After taking a long hiatus due to no racing, training or anything but being pregnant and having a baby I decided it’s time to write again. This sleep deprived brain has forgotten things you should never forget that I realized I want to have it down so I can remember it in the future rather than forget it all a few seconds later!

Baby...I never knew the words “mothers guilt” but now it’s two words that are in my mind continually. Have I been away too much, enough tummy time, am I holding him too much, not enough and the list goes on and on. My brain actually feels like it could explode at a moments notice.

I always thought babies just slept and ate which I’m sure some do but not my baby, 30 minute naps every few hours is what I’ve had since he was born. I never realized how tired I could possibly feel but still need to function and keep going. It’s almost torture at times. Now that I’m back to work I feel like a duck most days...calm on top and paddling like hell below water. I literally do hot laps around my house before I leave finding lunch, pump parts, pump bag, laptop, gym bag (which I don’t know why I bother packing), did Gunnar get his vitamins, have I? I made a checklist of things to go over which seems to help a lot. Mostly I now remember the cooler my milk goes in so I can stop putting it in “incognito” items in the company fridge so that’s good.

Since I’ve been back to work I realized I’m that woman I judged pre-kids. I pictured myself having healthy frozen meals that I just slip in ever so effortlessly when I came home, I would be training like a mad woman again in no time, my days would be budgeted perfectly so the cleaning, loving, and life maintenance could all be done. NOT! What is dinner? Or working out? Cleaning lady- thank you! And on and on and on.

I’ve recently started traveling for work and many times I think to myself, is this really happening?? Like pumping on a plane with my boss two feet away...awkward! Or pumping in the airport bathroom with a woman taking a giant poop in the next stall over, it’s happened! My outfits used to be carefully selected, hair done, manicure completed all to look my best for a specific meeting. This week I found myself sitting in the corporate J.Crew lobby about to throw up with nerves; as I make my way to the bathroom and look in the mirror I realize my roots are practically down to my ears, my muffin top is slightly exposed and my nails are all different lengths...great. Is this really happening?

A few things I understand 4 months into being a mom. 1.) there is nothing better 2.) there is nothing harder 3.) never judge another mom for anything. (I’m talking who cares if there ears/toes/fingers are covered, breast/formula, tantrum city, dirty looking kids etc. I no longer look at those moms and judge I just hold my breath and wonder how long until I’m there. 4.) God really loves me. It’s true and I feel it. It’s the only thing that holds me together most days. If he loves me half as much as I love Gunnar nothing out of his control is going to happen. Sometimes when I’m trying to give Gunnar his vitamins or medicine and he just screams and gets pissed I think of how often God is probably trying to help me but I’m too busy kicking and screaming to see it. I’m working on it and God is working on me and I like it.

Chisago Half Ironman

So... after dreading writing about this race I thought copy and paste what I wrote to my dear friend Carissa sums it up pretty well!

So here is my race report:)

Swim: So Sat was a bizarre day, I felt great in the morning, I wasn’t too nervous the swim went out in waves of 50 and I got clobbered the entire 1.2 miles...like hit on the back of the head, kicked all over. A girl who my bike was set up next to she had done a couple full ironman's and we came out of the water together and I asked her if that was an aggressive swim and she said it was the worst she had been in.

Transition 1: I think I’m discovering why people wear the tri suits or don’t mess with throwing on the tank top, I felt this way for the past two I’ve done this summer but this one was especially bad, when your wet putting on dry top is tough and I ripped my number off so I’m repining that, and trying to get the stupid thing over my head. Since I don’t have a bike computer thingy I put on my Garmin watch which is great but not when you have to wait for it “find satellites” :), note to self get a bike calculator thingy, my sunglasses were foggy, and I have no clue how to run in biking shoes, is it possible?

Bike: the day earlier I had spent 50 dollars on getting everything in case I got a flat, CO2 cartridges, replacement tube, etc. Mile 1 of 56 my pack rips off and falls to the ground, UMMMM what????? Then I got to thinking as I’m yelling at myself for literally throwing away 50$ why did I even bring it???? If I had gotten a flat I would have been out there all day replacing the stupid thing I would have needed a ride in anyways!! The bike ride actually was beautiful and I felt fine, took my nutrition in and drank lots of water. With 14 miles left to go my Garmin dies, excuse me but WTF????? I packed it the night before to be sure I didn’t forget and I must of had in a mode where it was sucking the juice out of it. So the last 14 miles where my legs are beginning to feel like they are blowing up I have no idea what mile I’m on or how fast I’m going. At one point I thought we had about 12 miles and when I asked the lady she said 4 and I could have leaped off my bike, tackled and kissed her!

Transition 2: I was happy to be off the bike, put my shoes on, put a couple gels in my shorts and headed for the porta potty before heading out on the run. I went in with two gel shots, left with 1 the other fell into a big dump from somebody who clearly lost their bowels after the bike. Gross!

Run: You know me and how much I hate heat, well I ran the 13 miles between 11-1 in the 90 degree heat. Tyson ran with me and at first it was a nice distraction and fun to have somebody to say a few things to since I been alone with my thought for the last 4 hours! But mile six rolled around and I thought my legs were going to blow off, my body would not cool down and I knew it was going to be a bear fight to get back to the finish. I was throwing ice cubes in my bra, shorts, hat mouth anywhere. It was a miserable 7 miles of trying to run for 5 minutes only making it to 3 and then walking until I could find the gusto to get my butt going again. The way I was moving I would have thought I was pacing at eternity per mile, it felt like forever!!

Finish: I thought I would be so relieved, excited, proud of myself but none of those was how I felt. Instead I was pissed, hot, and nauseas. I told Tyson I didn’t know if I could walk to the car so he got it as close to the site as possible and threw my stuff in, handed Tyson the bike and tried to control my stomach so everybody wouldn’t have to see me yack my brains. Poor Tyson!! 4 miles down the road he had to pull over and I yacked more yellow Gatorade then you see players dumping over their coaches head after they win the super bowl! That continued on the way home, once I got home and then once I was showering. Classy huh? I couldn’t stand in the shower so there I am washing my hair sitting down and puking, yuck!

I made it to the couch where I slept for a few hours and then by 8 or so I could stand up and feel normal. I told Tyson the storm had calmed and we needed some Old Chicago pizza as it was in my head the entire run, with ranch dressing of course:) I ate one piece and had to be done but it was oh so worth it! We went home and I said I think I needed a walk or something as my legs were just throbbing and we made in down 4 houses and I couldn’t go any further, so we headed home and I crawled into bed and called it a day.

2 days out I’m still upset with my time but acknowledge I got what I trained for, I mean I did maybe 2 long bike rides but not even close to 56 miles and never once ran more then 3 miles after a long bike ride, hmmmm and I’m surprised I blew up? C’mon I know better. So there it is, will I do it next year? I told Tyson to never let me sign up but I already want to go and redeem myself. We shall see....

Summer Fun

Will sitting on his "chair" (picture frame)

Finishing Lifetime Tri

4th of July Gilligan's Island

Hayride with a 10 yr old driving

Cattle Pull

Summer is the best, I just wish there was a way to speed up the winter and slow down the summer!

4th of July weekend was a blast, Saturday we went to the family farm in Henning, MN for the family reunion where I got to learn all the ins and outs of farming. People kept asking me if I was an animal rights activist because I was like “umm I don’t think I like that you dehorn the bull, umm I don’t think you should deball the bull, umm should you really be doing a cattle pull, the calf doesn’t seem very happy etc etc”. There are so many things about a farm I can’t believe it took 26 years to find out! After a long day of activities and catching up with the family Ty and I headed back to Alex for the Sahli Storm, some family friends have a huge party with fireworks on steroids so we wanted to get back in time for the fireworks! Stef and Dustin got a babysitter so it was fun to be out and about with the family and not worrying about little kiddo’s for a night.

Sunday I got up bright and early to get my banners made for the boat parade and make sure everything was good to go. We had the theme song from Gilligan's Island playing in the boat and we were rocking out until a couple boats started throwing water balloons and Tyson took one to the back of the head and Maggie one to the hip. Despite the battle wounds we had a great time and it was a fun start to the day. When we got back the weather got all gross and I was feeling like I should really get a long workout in so took off by myself and biked 50 miles and then ran for a few miles. My back got so sore I had to get off a couple times and stretch. Other then my back hurting everything felt find except for some serious chaffing from the bike shorts. I think I need to figure something out before the big day because it was UNCOMFORTABLE. The rest of the day we sat by the lake eating good friend and catching up with friends. The best part was that I didn’t have to go back to the cities!! However the next morning my dad and I went for a bike ride and I had to ask to turn around only a few miles in as I felt like I was ripping my flesh. Not good...hmmmmm

Last week I tried to cut back on training to get ready for lifetime and I was getting really excited for it! Friday night my parents and I had dinner at Northcoast in downtown Wayzata and we enjoyed a great dinner on the patio and then walked around a bit. That night I had a heck of a time falling asleep, when I finally did and then woke up in the middle of the night I could barely swallow and felt sick to my stomach. What?? I tried not to panic so I went and ate a piece of bread, gargled salt water and hoped for it to be gone in the morning. It wasn’t, instead I had a sore throat and aching body and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed at the butt crack of dawn and go exercise. I had to tell myself like I do anytime I’m in pain that there are people who would love to get to exercise sick so I bucked up and headed out.

I think it was sort of a plus that I wasn’t feeling all that well because I wasn’t nervous at all. Tyson dropped me off and I headed to transition while he got his long run in. Usually I hate milling around transition by myself it makes me super anxious but I was just in that slightly miserable stage where you just don’t care. Tyson promised me he would find me before I took off but when it was about 15 minutes to go time I started panicking if he was ok etc and then I see him coming down the stairs with my parents. It was great to see everyone for a second before I left...I just kind of took off and went through the motions. It was a beautiful morning and I felt great on my swim and did a great job sticking to the buoys, one guy was swimming backstroke and I didn’t see him and ended up getting a handful of something crazy!

The bike went by pretty fast, I knew I wasn’t going as fast as I wanted but the course had a lot of sharp turns and bumps so I just tried to keep an ok pace. Tyson’s parents, my parents, and my sister and boyfriend Stu came out so it was fun to see them!

The run went pretty good, at first I felt great and thought I was holding a super fast pace but by mile 2 I was just hot and sick of it. I didn’t make myself uncomfortable instead I just relaxed and managed an ok pace.

I ended up 5th in my age group and 40th for women, I think I get frustrated with myself because if I just shaved off a minute here and a minute there you wonder but whatever I had a fun morning and got to chow down on some amazing Old Chicago pizza afterwards and it made the world right again:) Tyson and I went home and napped all afternoon, it was great! It was our first weekend home since the beginning of May so it was such a great feeling to just relax in your own home. We watched a movie and went back to sleep, pretty crazy!

Sunday I woke up feeling worse so I rested Sunday and Monday but figured I should get myself going again. Carissa and I had a date for Tuesday so I asked if we could test out running and see how I feel. I think I get so wrapped up in talking with her I forget about it, so we ended up going about 6.5 miles with a few farmer blows along the way. We then went to Panino’s and my gosh it was delicious.

Today is Friday and I think I’m on the upswing. I’m still blowing chunks but hopefully that will subside soon as the farmer blows during a race isn’t the greatest thing. I got my long workout done this morning and ready for a wonderful weekend of resting, eating, and laughing with my sisters and Will.

Stef and Will are staying with me this weekend while Dustin and Brett go to Chicago. This morning I got a text from Stef saying she came upstairs to Will trying to sit on a chair. Love him!!

Wedding Weekend With a Long Run...

My Sulfur Mask...Tyson calls it my war paint

Beautiful Bride

Bridesmaids at rehearsal

Probably right before we all wiped out...

Last week seemed like such a blur that I couldn't really get excited for the wedding, also I broke out with a bad acne break out but went to visit Bri and she stitched me up and made me all better (note the red sulfur mask). I ran out of work on Friday around noon and got to Alex in time to meet my mom for a quick mani and pedi, which got the weekend started on a good note!

The grooms dinner was great getting to see everyone and meet Erin's fiancee Shane's family. After the dinner we all headed home pretty early knowing that the next day was going to be a long one. Ty and I set are stuff out to get ready for an 11 miler the next morning. The furthest he had ever gone and the furthest for me since my last marathon.

Saturday morning we woke up to a thick fog and we headed on our way. My legs felt like lead and Tyson seemed to be on cruise control, I thought maybe I just needed to wake up but I felt terrible the entire way around the lake (8 miles) we stopped by my house grabbed some water and split a gel shot and took off again to finish the last 3 miles which again I felt terrible. I don't know if it's because I haven't really done too much running, humidity or if my legs were just tired. Tyson was feeling great and I then realized that I needed to worry less about him being able to keep up and worry more about me being able to keep up! It was awesome to finish with him and see someone conquer something they had never done. Tyson officially understands the runners itch & high:)

We couldn't tell what the weather was going to do that afternoon but it was perfect and she looked beautiful and everything went great. We danced the night away and even survived a few falls, Courtney went to hop on Tanya's back but Tanya wasn't ready therefore they crashed, then Courtney, Tanya and I were dancing when Courtney all of sudden pulls out a new dance move sprang her ankle and wiped out which lead to Tanya and I laughing so hard that we proceeded to wipe out. No permanent injuries, just a lot of good laughs.

a fathers day not to be forgotten...

Went home this weekend to celebrate fathers day with the whole clan, my dad and I planned to go for a long bike ride and then go to our favorite spot for breakfast. The morning was going pretty good despite biking into the wind for 20 miles we were pretty much wrapped up in our conversation and we made it to Evansville before we knew it. We were at 18 miles and my dad made a comment that he would like to get 40 in so we kept going and when we hit 20 miles and started to turn around so did the entire morning...

As I was about to turn around I heard my dads bike crash to the pavement and looked back to see my dad do a complete barrel roll across the pavement. At first I started to giggle because I didn’t know what else to do and told him “that was an amazing barrel roll!” I saw him do something to his hand and he said “I broke my finger, but I think I just reset it.” He held up his hand and his middle finger was still crooked and his ring finger was bleeding pretty bad. Two seconds later my dad was on the ground pouring water on himself trying not to pass out. At this point I started to freak out and started bawling and he had to tell me to pull it together and call mom. I was panicking so much that it took me 5 minutes to call her number. I knew my dad was in a ton of pain because when my mom suggested she pick up the suburban that has the carrier for both our bikes my dad told her to come straight to Evansville and said she might even have to drive on the bike path to get him. Right before he crashed he had told me his heart rate was at 160, when I looked at his watch after the crash it was down to 60 so I knew he could pass out anytime. He wanted to get back to Evansville so my mom wouldn’t have to drive on the bike path so he pedaled a little ways and got dizzy and had to get off a couple times. At one point when we moving at a snails pace back to Evansville I looked at him and said “happy fathers day” he started laughing pretty hard and then I knew he was going to be fine. We made it to Evansville in perfect time as my mom was just pulling up, we got his bike thrown in the truck and they took off. My dad had to get his finger reset again and the nurse thought it was too much adrenaline and the shock that was making him so sick, he was already feeling 100% minus the finger when I picked him up from the doctor so we decided to go get some breakfast. We were so hungry we practically ordered the entire menu and rehashed the scene a million times, by this time it was so funny we could barely talk. We both agreed it was a fathers day we would never forget...

1st for everything

This week was all about going out of my comfort zone and doing a few things I've thought of doing for a while now but just couldn't get the oomph to do it!

Carissa (my marathon partner) decided she was going to do her first triathlon this summer, so we were going to meet up Tuesday night for a brick workout, an hour of biking followed by a 3 mile run...the weather has been so unpredictable so we thought we would hit up a spin class and run on the treadmills but much to our surprise we got some gorgeous weather and didn't want to waste it being indoors. I have been wanting to try the bike path from Wayzata to St. Bonifacius for a while now but with my sense of direction (lack of) I didn't want to try it on my own. Carissa is a human Garmin so I thought it would be the perfect time to go and find it.

I loaded our bikes on the bike rack which I put on entirely by myself (for the first time) I sort of impressed myself with but couldn't take my eyes off the bikes the entire way there I thought for sure it was not going to end well! Of course I got us lost but Carissa put us back on track and we were able to find it and park no problem. The path was great and it was so much fun to catch up with Carissa, we were definitely a pair out there, I'm sure people were wondering who the two yahoos in the neon tanks were! Neither of us are comfortable on bikes so it was sort of hard for us to even look at each other. Taking one hand off the handle bars meant veering in that direction and I of course had to show Carissa how I have a near wipeout every time I bike...for real. We finished the night with a 3 mile run and got cleaned up and went to Cowboy Jacks for Tuesday night Fajita Night, my FAVORITE!! Overall a great night, put on the bike rack by myself, bikes didn't fall off, found the bike path, and didn't actually totally wipeout...

I'm really going to get serious about the food I buy and learning how to cook. So Thursday I researched a recipe I could make and headed to Fresh and Natural on the way home. I about had a melt down when I walked in and saw my asparagus I wanted was 10$ but kept an open mind, took my time walking through the aisles and found that I could buy my dinner supplies and not have it be totally outrageous! I ran into one obstacle, the recipe called for ginger root, I didn't even know where to begin to look, I got side tracked by the chocolate covered raisins (YUM) for a while and then decided I should ask, she pointed it out to me and I about panicked, did I need to buy the entire root? How do you cook with it? I don't get it??!! I asked the lady if I had to buy the entire thing when my recipe only called for 2 inches (I should have known when it called for 2 inches dangit) and she said that was exactly what I did. So I broke off a couple inches, bagged her up and went to the check out. I got home poured myself a nice glass of wine and told myself to take a deep breath before I started. I made Mahi Mahi with a Lime/Soy/Ginger marinade, red potatoes and green beans with almonds. I must say that other then a couple burnt fingers it all turned out and was probably the best dinner I've made for Tyson in our 4 years of marriage. I was really proud of myself for completing the task but also I made a few mistakes during the process and instead of throwing it all away and calling Pizza Hut I just figured out how to deal with it (ie fish exploding, shaving the ginger root??, putting plastic in the oven!) and thought it my head, well now you know better for next time.:)

This morning Ty and I both got up early to get a workout in and I got back to the house earlier then expected so I made oatmeal on the stove and mixed in peanut butter. Tyson couldn't believe it, cooking twice in one week, let alone 2 days...I could tell he was impressed:)

Looking forward to next week and teaching this ol' dog some more new tricks!

Love the Handles...

The love handles that is...the nice squishy stuff that when I'm frustrated or in deep concentration they provide such nice added cushion and resting ground for my hands to be placed.:)

I went to a physical therapy appointment Monday, after being sick all winter and with the busyness of training I needed a refresher course in my exercises, stretches etc. My PT is an ultra marathoner so we love to talk about races, paces and all that fun stuff. After we got done going through my workout I asked him what I can do about my “love handles” and he looked at me in almost disgust and goes “Katie, those are what being a woman and an athlete is all about.” I kind of just rolled my eyes and thought “easy for him to say he’s a guy!” But the more I thought about it the more I think he’s right. These love handles swam in the lake taking in waves each breath and endured chaffing from my wetsuit, biked with my dad 30 miles allowing us some quality time to get away and catch up followed by running 4 miles with my dad pedaling next to me all back to back. When you ask me the best part about my weekend I would tell you the 3 hour workout, that I got to do something that I love with someone I love.

I got a fitness magazine and there was a huge Dove campaign where women were saying what they were thankful for about their bodies. Many said they were thankful their body fought cancer, held up during a marathon, or was able to have a baby. It got me thinking about why we don't see all the great things our bodies do for us and instead focus on those lingering love handles?

I had a 10 miler this morning and the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about how I don’t want to be that woman who misses all these great things in life because I’m focusing on a little piece that I don’t like so much. It’s so easy to listen to the voices that tell you all the things you are lacking, missing and needing but I think if I can be intentional about silencing them and instead think about all the many things I have to be thankful and excited for I can become that woman I want to be...

Along that note their are a lot of things I have to be excited for:

1.) I’m thinking about going back to school to be a Health Coach through the Institute of Integrative Health, I’ve always been intrigued my nutrition and how it can heal and fuel our bodies for a while now and with the program allowing me to keep working full time, I thought why not?!

2.) Going up to the Cabin with my four best friends from High School for the weekend, need I say more?

3.) Saving the best for last.........KRISTIN ARMSTRONG is running the Twin Cities Marathon, I might ditch Tyson so I can run with her and her clan, how great would that be!!???